Shared by Miss Belle

I’m in my early 20s, very young, independent, full of dreams and ambitions. I had a boyfriend before, same age and we really was getting serious since we lasted for almost 2 years. We only get to see each other pag weekends because he works in a different city. At first, okay lang pero nung tumagal, I doubted my feelings towards him. Siguro kasi hindi kami nagkikita lagi and when we talk, parang nauubusan na kami ng paguusapan. But I tried to work it out with him since mabait naman siya. My previous job needed me to work on weekends. Since weekends nga lang kami ni bf nagkakasama, I decided to look for another job. Fortunately, na-hire ako sa isang big time company and that’s where my real story began.


I was still new in my work when I met this man. Itago natin sya sa pangalan “Louie” gwapo, mabait, hardworking at maraming patay na patay sa kanya. When I first saw him, di ko naman siya napansin. But the second time we were introduced, I realized na I had a crush on him. Sa simula lokohan lang. Masayahin kasi akong tao kaya laging ako yung clown ng grupo namin. Ako yung tinutukso nila kay Louie. Natutuwa rin sila kasi sinasakyan niya lang din kami. For me naman, it didn’t mean anything kasi crush ng bayan siya sa office. And di ko rin sineryoso, plain fun lang and may boyfriend din ako that time.
 Months passed and I forgot about Louie. And then last year, nagkita ulit kami.

That day really changed my life.
 Nagulat ako kasi the next time we saw each other, nag-iba na ang treatment niya sa akin. He was being extra nice. I didn’t want to put malice but when we went out along with our officemates, nag-confess na siya sa akin na he had feelings for me. I was really speechless kasi siyempre inaadmire ko siya tapos biglang mag coconfess out of the blue na gusto nya rin ako. He even told me na at first hesitant siyang pumunta kasi alam niya na may mangyayaring ganito. He felt something towards me na raw the last time we saw each other. Sobrang naguluhan ako nun kasi nga na overwhelmed ako at the same time, may boyfriend ako. Literally that night feeling ko masisiraan ako ng bait kasi I was deeply attracted to him. Sobrang intense ng naramdaman namin for each other na when I recall it now, damang-dama ko pa rin.
 We talked for hours and ang lagi naming tinatanong “bakit. Papaano nangyari na nagkaroon kami ng ganoon ka intense na feelings sa isa't isa in just one night. He was aking the same question and di rin niya masagot. He would tell me na mali raw yung nangyayari kasi may boyfriend ako and he wouldn’t want to ruin my relationship with him. But he would tell me again that he loves me and wanted to try.

Louie was older than me. Nobody knows if he was married or with a girlfriend so I asked him. He didn’t want to tell me at first pero sa kakapilit ko, he confessed that he was married. Dun na ako sobrang naguluhan kasi I was having feelings for a married man while I was in a relationship. 
But I want to make it clear na before he came into the scene, talagang may doubt na ako sa bf ko. I remembered I prayed to God saying na if hindi kami, paghiwalayin na lang kami. Since di ko kaya na ako ang mag initiate na magbreak kami, let something happen that would really break us apart. And then Louie happened. I took it as a sign. 
I told Louie about it and I asked for his status. Sabi niya he is no longer in good terms with his wife. And he wouldn’t be entertaining anyone else kung okay naman sila. As for me, I believed him then kasi ganoon din yung situation ko. 
We decided to try it out and see where we would head.

Alam ko sobrang katangahan pero I was inlove with him. Para bang yung mga hinahanap ko sa bf ko na traits, na kay Louie lahat. Constant yung communication and he made me feel special kahit na malayo kami. He explained to me the situation and promised me na we will see each other soon. He even told me na I’d choose the date and he would fly back. Ako naman, sobrang gullible, naniwala. 
I knew how wrong it was pero di ko talaga mapigilan makipag communicate kay Louie. I was still with my then bf and napapansin na niya na things were different. He even surprised me to keep me from being cold pero I wasn’t able to conceal my true feelings. Naaawa ako sa kanya kasi napapansin niya na iba na ang treatment ko sa kanya. But still I wasn’t courageous enough to break it off. Natakot ako nun kasi ayoko mag-isa. Even though I really love Louie, alam ko he wouldn’t be there for me unlike my then bf. That time, sobrang naging selfish ako. I cheated on my bf, while I was a mistress. 


Slowly nagsink in na sa akin ang reality na I was indeed Louie’s mistress. I couldn’t talk to him when I want to, ni text di niya ako nirereplyan. We would talk once a day lang. I found myself crying all the time, feeling hurt. Lage ako umiiyak sa kanya saying na ayoko na because it was difficult for me. Then babawi siya by saying sweet words, kukumustahin or tatawagan ako unexpectedly. Every time he does that, na-wiwin back niya ako. Since I was still with my then bf, Louie begged me to choose him. Because he promised he would take care of me. I knew it was wrong pero since my feelings for my bf were no longer there, I decided to choose Louie. But it took me three months bago ko nagawa yun. I finally broke up with my bf and he soon found out. Sobrang nagalit siya sa akin but I was madly inlove with Louie and nothing else mattered. 
Louie and I saw each other once a month. And every time we meet, sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam. I really really loved him. I’ve had past relationships pero kay Louie ko lang naramdaman yung ganun. And pakiramdam ko rin ganoon din siya. Coz we would always have heart to heart talks and I presumed he was all out honest to me.

Louie talks about his family, his kids, and his dreams in life. He even showed me his new bought house and told me it was a secret from his family. He bought it for himself because as he would say “lalaya rin ako”. He would talk about his plans of leaving his family kasi di na daw talaga siya masaya. Sobrang comfortable kami sa isa't isa and we would always laugh kasi ganun pala ang feeling ng inlove where we can just talk about anything. Ang dami-dami kong magagandang memories with him. And even though it was morally wrong, I never felt it kasi sobrang saya ko na kasama siya. We made plans about the future. I tell him my plans and honestly speaking, he was part of it. That time pakiramdam ko na talagang siya na eventhough I know he’s married. I was so blinded with love na talagang umasa ako. 
Not until time came na gumuho ang mundo ko.

 I found out na meron pala siyang ibang kinakasama. He was having another extra marital relationship aside from me! Sobrang sakit when I found that out. Since malayo kami, sa phone ko lang na confront si Louie. He denied it at first pero sa sobrang furious ko, umamin din siya. I also found out na matagal na pala sila nung kinakasama niya.
 I was deeply hurt, sobrang sakit na hanggang ngayon naiiyak ako everytime kinukwento ko. Kahit masakit, I was smart enough to shut him off my life. I told him to just get out of my life dahil sobrang sakit ng nangyari. Kahit mahal na mahal ko siya, I let go. 
The most hurting part for me was hindi man lang ako pinaglaban ni Louie. Sa katangahan ko, umasa ako na hahabulin niya ako. But I was wrong.

He chose her at yun ang pinakamasakit because I chose him over my bf of 2 years tapos ganito lang ang gagawin niya sa akin. Nasaktan lang ako ng sobra kasi wala siyang ginawa to console the pain he caused me. At dahil nga malayo kami, we never saw each other again. That was the last time I talked to him.
 But God was still so good. Despite everything that happened, yung ex bf ko biglang nagparamdam. Siya ang naging shoulder to cry on ko. Inamin ko sa kanya lahat and he was crying with me, bakit daw nangyari sa akin to. Sobrang natouch ako sa kanya kasi tinatawagan ko siya pag ka di ko na kaya and he would just listen. Kahit alam ko na nasasaktan ko siya, he listens. But because I cheated on him, di ko na kayang makipag balikan sa kanya, and ganun din siya. Alam kasi naming kung gaano kahirap so we decided to be friends na lang. 
I know it was my fault kasi pumatol ako sa may asawa. Karma nga daw sa akin to. And I admit my mistake.

Humingi ako ng tawad kay God, and I even prayed na sana patawarin ako ng asawa at mga anak niya for what I did. At kahit na ang sakit sakit ng ginawa niya sa akin, pinatawad ko si Louie. I learned to let go of my hatred kasi it was my choice in the first place. I dug my own grave kaya nangyari to sa akin. I also prayed na sana patawarin din ako ng exbf ko kasi alam ko nasaktan ko siya ng sobra. But I certainly learned my lesson. Dati hate na hate ko ang mga kabit and it turns out magiging ganun din pala ako. But I decided that it wasn’t for me. 


Now, I am single. Wala na akong balita sa exboyfriend ko and kay Louie. Ngayon natatawanan ko na lang ang mga nangyari kasi kung dati dalawa sila sa puso ko, ngayon wala ng natira but I never regret anything that happened. Oo masakit, sobra, pero I learned a lot. Sa age kong to, sobrang bigat ng pinagdaanan ko and I surpassed it. And I became strong. Really strong. And I learned to be happy on my own now, without the help of any man. And of course, I would never give up on true love. I know someday, in God’s time, a man will show me that all the pain that I’ve been thru will be all worth it.