Since it's my Birthday I do have all the rights to make some kind of drama for the whole day. So please bear with me if this is kinda' annoying for some.
I am Justine, I just turned 21 today. I've been literally single for almost 4 years now but I've done dating, flings and all that. The last time that I've been in a happy relationship was 2009. It lasted for 8 months, because the person whom I loved that much left me for another girl which is his ex girlfriend. I was totally broken that time, lahat ng oras umiiyak ako. That's the last time that I cried myself to sleep. Umaga, tanghali, habang naliligo, bago matulog, hindi ako nagsasawa umiyak kasi yun lang yung nakakapagpagaan ng loob ko.
I am Justine, I just turned 21 today. I've been literally single for almost 4 years now but I've done dating, flings and all that. The last time that I've been in a happy relationship was 2009. It lasted for 8 months, because the person whom I loved that much left me for another girl which is his ex girlfriend. I was totally broken that time, lahat ng oras umiiyak ako. That's the last time that I cried myself to sleep. Umaga, tanghali, habang naliligo, bago matulog, hindi ako nagsasawa umiyak kasi yun lang yung nakakapagpagaan ng loob ko.
Awang-awa ako sa sarili ko nun kasi I felt like I am dumped by that someone who I gave my trust whole heartedly. Masakit kasi wala akong narinig na kahit ano galing sa kanya, sobrang masakit kasi naghintay ako kasi akala ko he just need some space baka masyado ko na siyang mahal at nasasakal ko na siya. Isang taon akong nagmomove on kasi sobrang minahal ko siya, as in walang kahit ano. Isang taon kong iniiyakan yung mga memories na binigay niya sa akin, sobrang sakit tuwing maalala ko na masaya ako noon yung sobrang kaya kong gawin lahat para sa kanya.
It's really true that there would be that someone who'll walk into your life to make you, to change you, to break you. Pero at the end of the day, this will make you even stronger than before.
As year goes by, I've been stronger kasi yun na lang yung option ko for me and for those people who count on me. Nagkakaroon ako ng mga date and flings but none of them last long. The day that my last boyfriend walked away from me feeling ko I was cursed not to have a serious relationship again.
I always wonder, bakit lagi ako iniiwan ng mga taong ito, ano bang mali sa akin? Kulang pa ba yung pagmamahal ko sa sarili ko? Should I love myself even more so I can be worth it for someone? I can't help but cry every time na maiisip kong lagi nila akong iniiwan. Buti nalang I have good friends and family to keep me companied.
The last time someone broke my heart was last month. This guy made me feel that it's about time to trust someone again. To believe that you deserve someone who will love you beyond boundaries, unconditionally ika nga nila. I've been cheated, fooled and left with my heart shattered into pieces. But nobody knows because I'm a good actress, I can fake a smile.
This guy made me feel very comfortable, I can be myself pag kasama ko siya, pero wala siyang pinagkaiba sa last bf ko. Bigla lang siyang nawala, nalaman ko na lang na he's dating another girl. I keep my distance from him, kasi alam ko wala na ako magagawa. I've been holding back these tears because I don't wanna be a loser anymore.
Sobrang sakit.. Wala akong magawa kundi iiyak lahat motivating myself that everything will be okay, but the truth is I'm not okay. I will never be okay.
Everytime I tried to fix myself someone will walk into my life tapos sisirain na naman yung momentum ko. I've changed, di na ako yung dating understanding, patient, and mapagmahal na gf. Di ko alam pano ko ba ibabalik yun, I miss that part of me kasi kahit na tanga ako noon, masaya ako. Pero feeling ko I've been so numb sa sobrang dami ng heartaches na naranasan ko.
Gusto ko lang ngayon birthday ko yung maiyak ko lahat ng sama ng loob ko, para bukas iba na ulit ako magaan na ulit yung loob ko. Sobrang hirap, kase hindi ako sanay manood ng sine mag-isa, kumain mag-isa. I feel so hopeless, feeling ko this is the test of time na hindi ko mapasa-pasa. Hindi ako maka let go sa past relationships ko na puro failure lang.
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| Photo courtesy: Daughterbydesign |
I've decided to quit dating, siguro pag ginawa ko yun I'll free myself from everything, I'll free myself from all the stress of the world. For a better me, sana kayanin ko. Sana hindi ako iwan ng mga taong mahal ko like my family and friends. Kasi sila na lang yung meron ako, at alam ko kakayanin ko ito.
After nito promise di na ako iiyak, basta don't provoke me further! Hahahaha :))
Happy Birthday Jaja, you're the strongest and bravest soul that I've met. Enjoy your day!
After nito promise di na ako iiyak, basta don't provoke me further! Hahahaha :))
Happy Birthday Jaja, you're the strongest and bravest soul that I've met. Enjoy your day!
I can see my self through you. I've also been with the same exact situation. But if there's one thing that I realize is that God is always there. if you're looking for unconditional love, He already gave it to you. No questions ask, no need for a reason, no need to explain, He just do love you. It will also help if you surround yourself with people who has a deep relationship with God. I also commend you for your decision to quit dating,not because i dont want you to be happy but because I think it is courageous to understand that you don't need someone to feel loved. And for guarding your heart from breaking again. I would advice to pick up those shattered pieces first and gave it to God to do the fixing, and when it is already fixed, I'm sure that He will hand it to someone who will guard, protect and will take good care of it. Someone whom God think is deserving for the love that you can give. Remember, you dont need to have a prince to be called a princess. You are a princess because you are a daughter of a King. (that is God) It's already in your DNA. So act as if they need to go through battle just to get the King's approval. Just be still and God will do the rest for you. Just give the rest to him.
ReplyDeleteYou're too young gurl to think na bakit hindi pa dumarating yung THE ONE for you.. You're only 21... Me.. I found mine at the age of 25.... Explore world.. Do not be afraid to fall in love again.. Pano mo malalaman na SYA na nga yun kung hesitant kang ibalik yung feeling na InLOVE... Nakikita at nafefeel yan ng guy.. Yung pagiging aloof mo.. Hesitant na ipakita yung feeling, at dahil sa takot mo, natatakot rin sila mahalin ka rin nila.. Anyway..just wait and see.. Mahaba pa ang kwento ng buhay mo.. Enjoy mo lng yan at wag ka matakot magmahal ulit.... You'll see.. Magiging masaya ka pag natagpuan mo na SYA.. :)
ReplyDeletehello gurl! :) same age po tayo feel na feel ko po yung nraramdaman mo. yung nag mamahal ka ng paulit ulit pero bigo ka parin hindi mo alam kung san ka lulugar sa puso ng mga taong minahal mo. sa akin lang go with the flow ka lang po bata ka pa naman marami pa dyan na mas higit pa at kayang ibalik yung pagmamahal ni binibigay mo. wag kang mapapagod mag mahal kung hindi man yan dumating ngayon pasasaan pa at kusang darating yan sayo ng hindi mo namamalayan. :) naniniwala ako na may taong nakalaan para sa atin. marami ka pang makikilalang lalaki na mas dsrving sa pagmamahal mo. at kung sakali mang mag mahal ka ulit wag mo ibigay lahat na 100% skanya magtira ka para sa sarili mo, sa pamilya mo at sa mga kaybigan mo na ngmamahal sayo. nang sa gayon masaktan ka man ulit sa huli mas madali kang mkakapg move on. :)
ReplyDeleteIf the results are the in this case failure you need to change the input. Try to analyze ur choices in men, I bet ur more into superficial, looks, build' , n popular guys. If u change ur choices maybe u can have diffident results this time.
ReplyDeleteWe're at the same age(next month). I've never been in a relationship and I'm hoping na makahanap tayo ng totoong lalaki na magmamahal sa 'tin. Yung pang "forever" and dating.
ReplyDelete